To be Honest
by SleepingTigress
Summary: The hardest person to be honest with is yourself...


Chapter 1

Buffy's eyes widened as the reality of her current situation sank in. She was straddled atop Spike, of all people. His hands rested lightly on her hips, the coolness of his touch obvious, even through the fabric of her jeans. Their faces were still mere inches from each other, his taste fresh on her lips.

Shock turned to disgust within seconds, and Spike's visage mirrored her own, eyes wide and mouth hanging barely open. She shoved herself off his lap as he simultaneously pushed her away.

"Oh, bloody hell!" He shook himself and quickly stood, putting a distance between them for which Buffy was grateful.

She walked towards her group of friends, spitting several times as she moved. "Spike lips! Lips of Spike!" She couldn't believe herself. She had fawned over him all night, as if he'd been the perfect man for her.

Despite her disgust, she couldn't deny her body. She ached for a loving caress, another soft kiss. She licked her lips covertly, tasting his essence once more.

She glanced at him, hoping her emotions weren't evident on her face. He stood across the crypt from her, breathing heavily. He was glaring at her, his jaw clenched tightly. Her heart skipped a beat and she quickly looked away.

"We done here, Slayer?" His voice was low and harsh, making her feel even more vulnerable than she already did.

"Yeah. Let's go, guys." She didn't dare look at him again. She didn't know how well she was hiding the hurt, if at all.

An annoyed pout played on Spike's lips. "Hey, don't I get a cookie?" His eyes followed the Slayer hungrily as she walked around him with the plate of cookies.

She swatted at his head lightly and gave him a joking scowl. "No." She continued past him into the living room to dish out cookies to everybody else. Willow took the plate from her and sat down with Xander and Anya on the couch.

Spike turned away and grumbled loudly enough for the group to hear him. "I've got to have something! I still have Buffy taste in my mouth..." He trailed off, mumbling to himself.

Buffy scoffed at him. Like she didn't still have Spike taste in her mouth? So far, the cookies had failed to erase his flavor from her lips. That smoky tang still lingered, and her tongue could still detect it every time she licked her lips.

"You're a pig, Spike." She grabbed a cookie and shoved it in his mouth as she headed towards the front door, hoping her friends hadn't heard the lack of hatred in her voice. "I'm going to go kill things now. Just be glad it isn't you."

It was well into the evening when Buffy finally gave up with her patrol. She'd found herself more and more restless as the days had gone past, and had been hoping a busy patrol was just the thing she needed.

The night had been a bust, however. Her only release had been two fledglings, which hadn't even qualified as a warm up for her tense muscles. What she really needed was a good workout, a worthy fight.

She found herself missing Spike, if only for the good fight he'd always given her. She almost wished he was still able to offer up a distraction. She sighed a bit and shook her head. He was a useless puppy now.

Her teeth were clenched with the frustration of it all. _Where is the Big Bad when you're really itching for a good slay?_

Her stance went limp and she groaned. This whole 'work off the energy' thing was simply not working for her tonight. She headed home reluctantly for yet another night of restless sleep.

"Slayer..." That low gravely tone reverberated through her body, sending little tremors down her spine. His blue eyes burned into her with intensity, dark and smoldering in their depths. She swallowed hard and tried to steady her breath.

He closed the short distance between their bodies and placed a cool hand on her hip. Her heart skipped a beat, and a smirk formed on his lips. Lips that now seemed so very kissable. She tried to stop herself but found the effort wasted.

She stretched towards him on her tiptoes and brushed her lips against his. Her breath caught a hitch as he tightened his grip on her for a moment. He pulled her up and deepened the tentative kiss, tangling his fingers in her hair and tilting her head.

A warmth ran through her body at the sensation of his tongue tangoing with hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and arched against him, desire sweeping through her.

"Spike..." His name came out with an air of desperation about it. She didn't even bother to chastise herself for being so weak. She clung to him fiercely, unwilling to lose the connection of their bodies.

Spike broke the kiss and flung her backwards. He sneered at her and let his eyes wander up and down her form. She felt suddenly very alone in the world, and hugged herself tightly as he eyed her. He cocked his head to the side and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Naughty, naughty Slayer. Not supposed to stray from the light." Drusilla stepped out from the shadows. She wagged a finger at Buffy, smiling eerily. Spike smirked and swaggered over to his dark princess, leaving Buffy alone. She fell to her knees, tiny tears forming in her eyes.

Buffy's eyes snapped open, the darkness of her bedroom ceiling greeting her. She groaned and rolled over. _Spike._ His name fluttered through her mind, and the dream came back to her in perfect detail. The feel of his body against hers, their lips meeting, the intensity of his stare. The overwhelming sense of rejection.

She'd been desperate to feel his touch again. She was rather disturbed, both by the fact that she had been desperate for it and that she wasn't as repulsed by the thought as she should be.

Yes, he was Spike. William the Bloody. A killer. Slayer of Slayers. Evil, plain and simple. Her attraction now was undeniable though. His very presence made an impression on her. It always had, from the moment they had first met in the alley way behind the Bronze.

She sat up and drew the sheet up around her waist. Three days of unspent energy and aggression, because of what? A crush? Confused emotions about a vampire?

She shuddered, doing her best to feel revulsion. None came, though. Just more thoughts of those deep blue eyes, an eyebrow cocked at her, smug smile firmly in place. She allowed herself to swoon, if only for a moment.

_No, _she thought. _No swooning at all!_ She lay her head in her hands and took a few deep breaths. It was surely just a one time thing, her brain dealing with memories still fresh in her mind.

She had swooned and kissed. She'd wanted to, and enjoyed it. What girl wouldn't have? A man as alluring as Spike, down on one knee proposing marriage didn't happen every day.

Even if only for an evening, he had made her feel as if nobody else in the world mattered but her. She had felt secure in his arms, loved beyond measure. He'd desired her, kissed her sweetly and passionately, made her feel more than Angel ever had.

The moment Willow had reversed the spell, he'd been repelled by Buffy once again. The rejection had stung deeply for her. Even knowing he'd never truly wanted her, it had hurt, seeing his disgust for her.

It was only logical that this dream was just her dealing with things. She shook her head and lay back down, forcing her eyes shut. Sleep continued to elude her.

Buffy had somehow managed to avoid Giles and the others for a nearly two weeks, using the excuse of an overload of studying to do. She'd holed herself up in her dorm, leaving only for the essentials of meals and classes. Willow was more than understanding of the need for alone time.

"It's not like I'm not studying, right?" Buffy had reasoned with her. It wasn't really lying if she studied. Willow had, thankfully, agreed with that point.

More than anything, Buffy just wanted to avoid Spike. She'd dreamed of him nearly every night since the spell, and each time he had rejected her scornfully. Her ego as a woman was fragile after the Parker debacle. The dreams of Spike certainly weren't doing her any favors.

On top of that, she was becoming more antsy with each passing day, her level of pent up energy slowly growing. Her patrols were starting to last longer into the night, and bearing less satisfaction. Whatever military operation there was had put a big dent into her nightly enjoyment.

She sighed heavily as she returned to her dorm. She had resigned herself to the fact that she wasn't going to be able to avoid Spike much longer. She would need his help to find these people so that her patrols would have purpose again. Not bothering to change, she plopped face down onto her bed and fell asleep.

"Bollocks." Spike gritted his teeth and turned away from them. Buffy stood across from Giles, arms crossed and a stern look on her face. He practically mirrored her look, apparently determined to be just as stubborn.

Xander piped up. "He is not staying at my place. No way. I've got to put my foot down on this one." He too added to the room full of stubbornness.

"Does my opinion count for anything?" Spike snapped at the group. He looked around at them, wide eyed. Giles and Xander both glared at him, but Buffy had pity.

"Where would you prefer to stay, Spike? Graveyard is not currently an option." She tilted her head to the side, still avoiding eye contact with him. She waited for his response patiently as she stared a hole in the wall behind him.

"Rather be with you, Slayer." His voice was low and sensual. His response sent a tingle down Buffy's spine, and she desperately hoped that it had gone unnoticed. She finally met his eyes and immediately regretted it.

They bore into her, deep blue and smoldering with something indescribable. He could see right through her, and she knew it. Her heart skipped a beat before she could look away.

Giles brought her back to reality. "Absolutely not! What a ridiculous suggestion! Xander, you take him."

Xander could only gape and look back and forth between the others. Buffy swallowed down the lump in her throat. Her voice came out more hoarsely than she had expected it to.

"All right. You can stay with... me. Spike." Giles and Xander could only stare at her in amazement. Giles began to stutter in protest, but she put her hand up to stop him.

"You're tired of him, Xander doesn't want him. He's my... responsibility." Her voice thankfully came out more strongly, and it stopped any further arguments that could have been made. She still refused to look at Spike's reaction.

She walked around behind his chair and paused for a moment. "I don't want any bitching, you hear me?" She spoke sternly, trying to sound tough to him. It must have worked, because he gave her a simple nod. She easily unbound him from the chair and quickly walked towards the door.

"Get your shit, Spike. Let's go." She heard the thunking of his boots on the floor and the rustling of his jacket being pulled on.

It took all of her effort not to turn around and run her fingers down the leather.


End file.
